The Drunk

So, I definitely had my share of ups and downs in the past with relationships. Who hasn't? But, this year, wow, I've gone on more disastrous dates than I would have liked. Here we go:

So my cousin--bless her heart--insisted that I go out on a double date with her and her boyfriend's cousin. Now this wasn't a bad idea--well, not at first anyway. So, I wanted to know his stats; career, place, sane (seriously), and last, but certainly important, looks. Everything checked off positive, so we made plans for the "big night." We decided that going to the movies would be appropriate.

I regret to inform you that everything that followed after that part, was really really horrific. At the last minute, my cousin and her boyfriend cancelled on us. I ended up meeting the "cousin" at his apartment, because we decided we should still go to the movies.

First of all, remember droo

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py the cartoon character? Well, they could've been twins. Being the sweet person I am, I decided to continue with the date. However, he didn't want to go to the movies. He told me that he'd rather buy a movie off "On Demand" and hang back at his place. Umm...ok. He offered me a drink, alcohol being the only option, so I opted for a glass of red wine. For himself, he grabbed a 40oz bottle of Whiskey, filled a glass to the top with it, and drank it straight like it was water. The red light definitely went off! I was thinking whoa....can you say AA?? He then did three shots of some kind of liquor that looked unrecognizable to me, and purchased the movie. Awkward. I should have ran for the hills. I just needed a way to discreetly inch to the front door.

I'm not even sure what movie we were watching, but I do know that he was slumping and falling all over me. He was giggling, and laughing with himself, and asking me slurred unintelligent questions. It was the most ridiculous situation. As 1:30am crept around the corner, I stood up--without letting him know--and walked to the bathroom. I sat on the closed toilet seat and debated whether I should just run through the front door, creep out the bathroom window, or just politely inform him that I was leaving.

After about 7 minutes of debating, I walked out the bathroom--and behold what lie before me--a passed out trashy and sloppy drunk hanging half way off the couch. I went with my instincts, and jetted out the front door.

That doesn't go to say that my ever so eager cousin didn't continue to try to hook us up. It's unbelievable, but she kept persisting that I give him another shot. In the process of ignoring her request, he started to call me again. Now, I can't help but to think that my cousin had something to do with this. Anyway, he called me--curiosity winning this round--and I answered. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to a play with him, everything after that was a blur--he was obviously wasted, again.

After telling him that I wasn't going anywhere with him--not to a play--not anywhere, he starting whining and saying that he thought I hated him and then he switched it around and said he really wanted to take me to that play. Umm...schizo.

After about ten minutes, this began to be amusing to me, so I decided to have some fun with it. I let him talk to himself as I clicked over to call my cousin on three-way, she called our two girlfriends, who called two of their friends. Seriously, there were like eight of us on the phone. They all had their mute buttons pressed and listened in as I made a complete fool of "the drunk." I was purposely asking him random questions that didn't make sense, and he was actually answering them. Things like, what do you call an animal that's half mouse and half unicorn? His response went something like this, "Well, that's easy, I saw one of those last night outside the bar, there small with the horn sticking out the side, and just for kicks, they have wings."

Yea, so after that, my cousin got the point. I will never let her hook me up ever again.