Some cops are just not cut out for dating...

When we think of police officers, some words that may come to mind are, protectors, risk-takers, and individuals that are compassionate about their work. 

When I met  "Harry", I immediately felt that he was all of these things. He was a really good listener, he cared about his job, and he was just an all around simple guy. He was a rookie, and I could tell that he was still excited about graduating the police academy. He kept his graduation pamphlet on the coffee table and never failed to point out who he new and what precinct they were placed in. Other than that oh so minor glitch, he was perfectly normal. 

Oh, and he had a brother who was a firefighter (which was good for me, in case Harry and I didn't work out, wink*)

However, he was horrible at two things: canceling our plans at the last minute and talking openly about the other women he was currently dating. It drove me crazy. But, he was very honest about it. Actually too honest. He had this thing where he liked to drive around--just drive around, nothing else. I inquired as to why he liked to do that; not only did he never have a destination, but he was wasting gas. His reply was, "Well, the other girls like it." I totally ignored that because I didn't know who he was referring to when he said, "other girls."  Weeks passed and after canceling and rescheduling many dates, we somehow managed to get together--without him coming up with some kind if excuse. 

We went to the waterfront to sit by the river and chat. It was actually romantic. We had nice conversation and even held hands. I made a comment about one of the boats, his reply was, "Alicia said the same thing last night." I was dumbfounded. I asked him who Alicia was, he said it was the girl that he went out with last night. It clicked in my head that he canceled the night before because had previously scheduled a movie "get together"  with a friend from school--I was sure it was Ms. Alicia. Harry then said, "It's not like we had sex, I save that for my ex when she calls me." It was awkward and I was ready to go. Not only had he taken me to the same place that he took Alicia the night before, but he admitted to still engaging in sexual intercourse with his ex. What a turn off. He dropped me off home and I didn't call him after that. 

He text messages me every now and then, I usually return a one or two words response and that's it. I think he got the hint. 

The Indiscreet Stalker

Now, here's a different experience. Let's call him Jake--I thought I'd actually hit a home run with this one. He was romantic, and sensitive and enjoyed cuddling while we watched movies. We met at work and he showed immediate interest in me. I didn't notice or like him at first, but then he started bringing me lunch, and offering to pick me up and take me home, so naturally he grew on me.

About two weeks of "dating" he started to act, well, crazy. And I don't mean this figuratively. I noticed his strange behavior when I invited him to my place to watch a movie. He came over pizza in one hand, and movies in the other--what a darling, I didn't even ask him to do that. So anyway, about five minutes before the chick flick ended, he hopped up and started reenacting a scene from a recent dream he recently had. I sat there in amazement as he jumped around from the couch to the floor like a monkey. He was blabbing about angels and demons, and a dark hole that led to the other side. Wow. Jake's story concluded with him falling to his knees and crying.

I sat up and looked at him as he balled up in the corner like an abandoned animal. Somehow, I was able to persuade him to leave so he can get himself together. Well, after that we didn't speak. However, at work, he became the most difficult person to work with. At the time, I worked for a ground transportation company, so transporting material was teamwork. He would purposely not help if he ended up on my team, and once he knocked over a heavy package that fell inches from my foot. Jerk, letting him know that he was getting to me would've given him the upper hand. So, not paying him any mind, I went about my daily routines.

Then the phone calls started--I knew it was him. I kept getting calls from private and unknown numbers. I answered, he breathed into the receiver, and hung up. How irritating was that? So then finally, I walked up to him at work and asked him to stop playing on my phone. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me to leave him alone and to not call him anymore. Surprised because he turned things around like I was the crazy one, I just walked away.

About two weeks passed, the calls stopped--or so I thought. Jake called me five times in a half an hour, and when I answered he attempted to make me jealous by lying and saying he moved on. When he described this invisible girl, I realized she "conveniently" looked like me. Telling him that, he got mad and hung up. I laughed until I had tears in my eyes. Five minutes later, he called me back and yelled so loud I couldn't really make out what he said, but it sound like he said, "Stop calling me!" He hung and called back again, and politely said, "Hey, did you just call here?" He was nuts. I laughed, he hung up. This went on for quite some time.

But then something was different; it was too quiet. Jake was up to something. He called and started going on about something, just then a very loud siren rode down my block. It was the same siren I'd heard in the background on his side of the line. I ran to my window and sneakily peeped outside. Right there, across the street from my house, was Jake. "How long has he been there?!" I thought.

I asked him how long was he sitting outside of my house, he said he wasn't outside my house. I let him know that I was staring right at him and I hung up. I heard him as he started his car and swerved down the street. The next day at work he didn't show up. However, at the end of my shift, I seen his car parked not far from mine. And in it was him peeking out the window at me. I called him to let him that I was looking right at him. He--of course--denied it and I watched as he started his car and pulled off. After I saw him outside of my house two more times, I asked one of my cop friends to come over and patrol my house for the next week or so. Jake definitely stopped after that.

He missed work until he finally quit, I changed my number and that was that.

Lesson Learned: Never date a co-worker. Things may turn sour and they may be hard to get rid of.

In the dark--hot. In the light--wtf?

After my date with "Stan the Drunk," I was ready for something, new, something fun.

One of my friends threw a house gathering and invited fifty people-which turned into a hundred people. The gathering turned into a party, which turned into a concert. There was a DJ, a live band, and food--it was definitely good times.

So there I am, dolled up, and mingling with friends and strangers. The party was darkly lit, with the exception of a red light--very sexy. In the corner, I noticed Mr. "Right Now" talking among some friends. I sashayed over to the group and introduced myself. To my amazement, when he stood, he was well over six feet. I was immediately pleased by this. He smelled like a god. When I occasionally glanced up, I saw nothing but pearly whites glistening down at me. Feeling like a school girl who finally got up enough guts to say something to her crush, I blushed when he complimented my outfit, hair, and smile. He was definitely prince charming. Just as I leaned in to exchange digits, a friend of mine grabbed my elbow and pulled me away from him. She wanted to introduce me to more people. Before I disappeared into the crowd, I yelled out to him the last four digits of my number-he smiled-the rest of the work would be left up to cupid.

I was thrilled that he abide by the "two-day" rule before calling me. We briefly chatted and agreed to meet at a local coffee shop.

After getting off work the next day, I quickly headed to the coffee shop--with the anticipation that Mr. "Right Now" was going to turn into "Mr. Right."

I walked in, scanned the room, and noticed no one in particular. I decided to sit in the outside section of the shop and wait. Five minutes later, I heard a masculine, yet feminine, voice call my name. I stood, and when I looked up, a Drag Queen was standing in front of me. A Drag Queen. She--err--he took a seat, and told me he didn't realize how beautiful I was, having met me in a darkly lit party. Baffled, my mouth dropped to the ground. He told me this was who he was and if I gave him a chance, I'll forget about it and adjust to it. I was literally speechless.

Shaking my head, with my eyes bulging out of my face, I jumped up and dashed down the street. I heard the husky voice of Mr.--or should I say--Ms."Not-Right-and-Will-Never-Be-Right" call after me. Completely ignoring it, I hopped in a cab. With a frown on my face and my head tilted to the side, I peered out the window and saw a Drag Queen drinking an iced coffee.

The Drunk

So, I definitely had my share of ups and downs in the past with relationships. Who hasn't? But, this year, wow, I've gone on more disastrous dates than I would have liked. Here we go:

So my cousin--bless her heart--insisted that I go out on a double date with her and her boyfriend's cousin. Now this wasn't a bad idea--well, not at first anyway. So, I wanted to know his stats; career, place, sane (seriously), and last, but certainly important, looks. Everything checked off positive, so we made plans for the "big night." We decided that going to the movies would be appropriate.

I regret to inform you that everything that followed after that part, was really really horrific. At the last minute, my cousin and her boyfriend cancelled on us. I ended up meeting the "cousin" at his apartment, because we decided we should still go to the movies.

First of all, remember droo

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py the cartoon character? Well, they could've been twins. Being the sweet person I am, I decided to continue with the date. However, he didn't want to go to the movies. He told me that he'd rather buy a movie off "On Demand" and hang back at his place. Umm...ok. He offered me a drink, alcohol being the only option, so I opted for a glass of red wine. For himself, he grabbed a 40oz bottle of Whiskey, filled a glass to the top with it, and drank it straight like it was water. The red light definitely went off! I was thinking whoa....can you say AA?? He then did three shots of some kind of liquor that looked unrecognizable to me, and purchased the movie. Awkward. I should have ran for the hills. I just needed a way to discreetly inch to the front door.

I'm not even sure what movie we were watching, but I do know that he was slumping and falling all over me. He was giggling, and laughing with himself, and asking me slurred unintelligent questions. It was the most ridiculous situation. As 1:30am crept around the corner, I stood up--without letting him know--and walked to the bathroom. I sat on the closed toilet seat and debated whether I should just run through the front door, creep out the bathroom window, or just politely inform him that I was leaving.

After about 7 minutes of debating, I walked out the bathroom--and behold what lie before me--a passed out trashy and sloppy drunk hanging half way off the couch. I went with my instincts, and jetted out the front door.

That doesn't go to say that my ever so eager cousin didn't continue to try to hook us up. It's unbelievable, but she kept persisting that I give him another shot. In the process of ignoring her request, he started to call me again. Now, I can't help but to think that my cousin had something to do with this. Anyway, he called me--curiosity winning this round--and I answered. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to a play with him, everything after that was a blur--he was obviously wasted, again.

After telling him that I wasn't going anywhere with him--not to a play--not anywhere, he starting whining and saying that he thought I hated him and then he switched it around and said he really wanted to take me to that play. Umm...schizo.

After about ten minutes, this began to be amusing to me, so I decided to have some fun with it. I let him talk to himself as I clicked over to call my cousin on three-way, she called our two girlfriends, who called two of their friends. Seriously, there were like eight of us on the phone. They all had their mute buttons pressed and listened in as I made a complete fool of "the drunk." I was purposely asking him random questions that didn't make sense, and he was actually answering them. Things like, what do you call an animal that's half mouse and half unicorn? His response went something like this, "Well, that's easy, I saw one of those last night outside the bar, there small with the horn sticking out the side, and just for kicks, they have wings."

Yea, so after that, my cousin got the point. I will never let her hook me up ever again.